Manic/Nerdgasm/Toxicity

severe depression "diagnosis"

Tue, 04 Dec 2012 12:28:28 -0500

so i went to the doctor yesterday. my PCP.

other than the receptionist being an all around bitch it wasnt bad this time around.

my doctor finally listened to me about my stress and my anxiety.

and then asks me a series of questions and has me rate each one with anything from 1-3, based on how good/bad/frequent/etc something is.

after this was all said and done, and my number answers were added up, she says i have “severe depression” which i was sort of expecting.

i was given a 30 day sample pack of VIIBRYD^® (vilazodone)

a drug which my brother and i dont feel i should take unless i talk to a specialist first and get a real diagnosis from someone who will listen to me. someone who i can talk to about all the demons i have. all the voices i have screaming at me.

not just telling someone “yea i hate myself, yea i think about death and blah blah blah”

have any of you ever tried this? or been diagnosed this way?

am i wrong for feeling uncomfortable having been told i have something from someone who doesnt know whats really going on in my head.

can anyone give me some guidance here?

or am i just talking to the wall as usual?

babyha-nel47: codenamecesare: Sometimes I see a photo of this...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:55:48 -0500

babyha-nel47:

codenamecesare:

Sometimes I see a photo of this guy and involuntarily exclaim out loud, “Son of a bitch.”

talent-only: Paul Newman and Robert RedfordButch Cassidy and...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:54:51 -0500

talent-only:

Paul Newman and Robert Redford
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid | 1969

two of my lifelong celebrity crushes….even as older men. pure sex.

dearmickeylou: tprants: ~gross. ;_; ;_____; I...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:52:36 -0500

dearmickeylou:

tprants:

~gross.

;___;

;_______;

I wish….

when someone tries to do something nice…..don’t make fun. if it doesn’t work out, fine. but...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:47:33 -0500

when someone tries to do something nice…..don’t make fun. if it doesn’t work out, fine.

but seriously don’t joke. just cuz what I tried to do didn’t work right for you, its not funny to me when you pretty much make fun of me for trying.

over reaction….quite possible. but everyone is different and reacts differently to things.

and the blatant “no that’s not true” doesn’t help either.

Photo

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:39:21 -0500

dr3aming-reality: Click here for more personal!

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 23:39:01 -0500

dr3aming-reality:

Click here for more personal!

lucidroot: Twofavorite books of mine #LordsofChaos...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:05:41 -0500

lucidroot:

Twofavorite books of mine
#LordsofChaos #ChoosingDeath #Music #BlackMetal #DeathMetal #CrustPunk #Thrash #PowerViolence #DIY #Nordic #Swedish #Finnish #BANGYOURHEAD #ROOTS

Christmas ideas! I’d love to add these to my already dark collection of books.

lamacellaia: Black metal owl! #owl #blackmetal I want...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:04:38 -0500

lamacellaia:

Black metal owl! #owl #blackmetal

I want this….bad

covered-in-flesh: #dimmuborgir #metal #blackmetal...

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:03:25 -0500

covered-in-flesh:

#dimmuborgir #metal #blackmetal #orchestralmetal #orchestral #shagrath #facebook #twitter #man #evil #nightmare #macabre #death

dimmu borgir was my first metal concert. never forget those black metal badasses. it was amazing

dave666: #blackmetal

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:02:27 -0500

dave666:

#blackmetal

dizzyblackmetal: <3 love

Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:00:35 -0500

dizzyblackmetal:

<3

love

I'm screaming and nobody hears me.

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 20:01:40 -0500

what’s worse is that nobody fucking gives a shit.

I’ve never want to slit myself open more in my fucking life.

caeldre: Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the...

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 19:17:49 -0500

caeldre:

Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought him, the Balrog of Morgoth.

oh hello anxiety. nice to see you again. now stop trying to make my heart leap out of my chest.

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 18:51:41 -0500

unless you count laying in bed trying to explode productive.

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 17:59:23 -0500

unless you count laying in bed trying to explode productive.

why am I constantly having arguments with you in my head? not like it will make a difference. even in my head it always becomes about you.

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 17:56:57 -0500

would be nice if you fucking realized everything isn’t just about you. yea I get it. you...

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 14:36:28 -0500

would be nice if you fucking realized everything isn’t just about you.

yea I get it. you house, your computer, you TV ans you’re Xbox

its your everything.

but you say I monopolize shit.
for the past almost week, I have barely had a chance to do more than have a Skype call with someone from home

I can’t look at the doctors my mom found for me because all you do is sit on fb and tumblr 24fucking7. all day its been vampire diaries and I’ve locked myself in my room. not because I’m still sick but because what the fuck else am I gonna do?

but you don’t feel good. you’re in pain. that’s what really matters. I’m perfectly fucking fine pretending to be happy and trying to help with what I can. I’m always going to be just a guest. just a roommate. just the one who burdens you with everything. just the one you’ll always make fun of to other people about my not being able to drive.

what the fuck ever. soon ill be out pf your hair. tp leave you to complain about how all your friends either don’t talk to you, or are moving away
but its not about you. I can’t stay here because you need a friend nearby. I won’t stay somewhere where I’m not happy just for you.

I’m in constant pain too. I don’t have chronic physical pain. no.
and I can’t sympathize with you on that.

but you’re not the only one. I’m in constant pain and mental anguish. I’ve thought about hurting myself again and wanting to die because I hate every last thing about myself and my fucking life.

but I can totally see how I don’t matter. nothing here is mine. not even my clothes or my cat, because its all in your house.

fuckin this life
I can’t wait to get out

wearealljustrunaways: savisintheclouds: I literally felt like...

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 02:35:59 -0500

wearealljustrunaways:

savisintheclouds:

I literally felt like I did not have a choice.

Robin Williams says reblog, you reblog.

can’t say no to him

babyha-nel47:

Wed, 28 Nov 2012 02:34:54 -0500

babyha-nel47:

Manic/Nerdgasm/Toxicity

severe depression "diagnosis"

babyha-nel47: codenamecesare: Sometimes I see a photo of this...

talent-only: Paul Newman and Robert RedfordButch Cassidy and...

dearmickeylou: tprants: ~gross. ;___; ;_______; I...

when someone tries to do something nice…..don’t make fun. if it doesn’t work out, fine. but...

Photo

dr3aming-reality: Click here for more personal!

lucidroot: Twofavorite books of mine #LordsofChaos...

lamacellaia: Black metal owl! #owl #blackmetal I want...

covered-in-flesh: #dimmuborgir #metal #blackmetal...

dave666: #blackmetal

dizzyblackmetal: <3 love

I'm screaming and nobody hears me.

caeldre: Through fire and water… From the lowest dungeon to the...

oh hello anxiety. nice to see you again. now stop trying to make my heart leap out of my chest.

unless you count laying in bed trying to explode productive.

why am I constantly having arguments with you in my head? not like it will make a difference. even in my head it always becomes about you.

would be nice if you fucking realized everything isn’t just about you. yea I get it. you...

wearealljustrunaways: savisintheclouds: I literally felt like...

babyha-nel47:

dearmickeylou: tprants: ~gross. ;_; ;_____; I...